the boy and his machine - coming clean
sweet melodies
I got you some flowers today Grandma. Even though I know you can’t see them, I hope you can smell them. I love you.
I’ve never been so scared to see you. I’ve never only been able to bring myself to sit on the end of your bed so I could leave quicker then I could if I were any further up it. I’ve never in my life been speechless. I’ve never in my life had to run to a different room to be alone, to break down. I’ve never in my life stopped myself on the way back, procrastinating from breaking down again. I’ve never in my life had to choose my words so carefully. I’ve never in my life felt such desperation for someone else to find peace. I’ve never in my life prayed for anyone or anything to help me. I’ve never in my life felt so helpless. I’ve never in my life cried while smiling to try and fake that things aren’t that bad. I’ve never in my life had a harder time leaving a room. I’ve never in my life broken down on my mums shoulder. I’ve never in my life wanted anything to change as much as I do now.
I need this now more than ever
You say that love goes anywhere / In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there / When you go, I’ll let you be / But you’re killing everything in me.
I’m going to listen to this on repeat for the rest of this car trip because it’s the only thing that’s keeping me going right now.
Melbourne has swagger
I now have 3G working on my iPhone again, expect stupid little observations by myself to be posted while being an unhealthy mix of jaded/bitter daily
Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:
People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.
We’re so dark by night, I am lost / directions getting faded / remember what you’re taught / she’s so bright, i’ll use her as light / she’s so much more than decoration
