I’ve never been so scared to see you. I’ve never only been able to bring myself to sit on the end of your bed so I could leave quicker then I could if I were any further up it. I’ve never in my life been speechless. I’ve never in my life had to run to a different room to be alone, to break down. I’ve never in my life stopped myself on the way back, procrastinating from breaking down again. I’ve never in my life had to choose my words so carefully. I’ve never in my life felt such desperation for someone else to find peace. I’ve never in my life prayed for anyone or anything to help me. I’ve never in my life felt so helpless. I’ve never in my life cried while smiling to try and fake that things aren’t that bad. I’ve never in my life had a harder time leaving a room. I’ve never in my life broken down on my mums shoulder. I’ve never in my life wanted anything to change as much as I do now.
